How to say Goodbye... Even when you just don't want to.

I can still remember the first phone call to say our dear friend Ange had cancer.. It came to us as a surprise, I couldn't believe it, I didn't believe it... I still don't want to believe it, but it's the truth. Denial is so much easier than truth. I prefer easy... Even if that meant that up until this point a part of me pretended she was still here with us. My brain knew she wasn't, my heart just couldn't take the thought, my eyes knew no other way... Until now, now my eyes see she isn't here, they see that she isn't coming back... Instead now they see her husband... Happy... Happy with my sister. They see both of them happy. For the first time in some time neither of them are hiding a dark shadow that follows them, and for that I am happy too. I cry because I know the day is going to come when Ange is no longer the image that looks up at us from his phone screen, every time he presses his phone on, for those couple of seconds she is still here, and everything seems ok, for those couple of seconds she is happy and pain free again, for those couple of seconds I don't have to face a reality that he has had to face for months now, a lonely reality... That he is slowly coming back from. Why do I have to be the one that can't move on. I look for answers everywhere I go. How did a non-smoker die from a smokers disease?! How did she look so perfectly healthy only a week before her final moments?! Why couldn't she have stayed just a little while longer?! I mostly wonder... Did she know, was she just holding out for her wedding day, was it like a send off party, leaving us all with the best memory of all of her, the memory of her glowing with happiness, partying the night away in her perfectly fitted wedding dress after she became Mrs. Smith. I have received messages from her through mediums, so I know she is happy, I know in my heart she would want him to be happy, and in my heart I do too, I want both of them to be happy, there isn't any other two people in this world I want to be happy more than these two. I just can't let go. I want to let go. No, maybe I don't want to. No maybe about the fact that I am completely confused, happy that Alicia and Andy have found a genuine friendship in each other, but all I want to do is cry... So many different emotions mixed into the same bowl... I know I need to grieve and let go... I just don't know how.

My Winning Moment!!!

Didn't the full moon bring the crazies out in my house, wow! Taylah biting Felicity, Felicity pinching Taylah, hair pulling, name calling, the lot!!! My freaking goodness, it was on! We separated them to cool down, Flick did just that, she cooled down and was aloud back out to watch tv shortly after, Taylah however carried on and on and on, back chatting and screaming, slamming doors, holy moly, I am seriously scared of what is to come in the teenage years, eeeeeek!!! Eventually Taylah calmed down and I was able to speak to her, but that couldn't be it, I needed to think quick on some kind of discipline that would teach them something at the same time ... I walked out of Taylah's room, towards the lounge where Felicity was (where we were headed so both girls could apologize first) and I spotted the mess in Flick's room (where they had both been playing earlier), bingo, after they had apologized to each other I sent them in to help each other clean Flick's room, but they had to speak to each other nicely or they would be straight into time out. It worked! For the rest of the night and today (with a couple of reminders) I have had TWO daughters willingly getting along, and I have TWO clean bedrooms ... Let's hope this is the beginning of a new chapter in their (and our) lives.

Life can be so Cruel!

Having a bad year! Yes, that's right, 2 car accidents, 2 expensive phones broken, countless breakdowns, still no job in sight, and nearly losing my furry best friend to a sewing needle, my year has been crap! But, I always try to remind myself that there is always someone who has it worse, ALWAYS!!!

My wake up call arrived, here I am complaining about financial worries and all things that can essentially be fixed, while a close friends battle with cancer has taken a wrong turn. Even though we knew the floods had washed away her means of treatment that had been working so well, for some reason I just thought everything will be ok and they will be able to get it from somewhere else, I don't understand why I didn't prepare myself for this, apparently everyone else had been preparing for it, I just thought it would be ok! She was so healthy still when I saw her last, she was in good spirits and she trusted this more than anything. All she has now is a last minute trip to China, she has invested so much faith into Mother Nature, it seems so unjust that Mother Nature would be the one to take it all away from her in the end!

Astounded Beyond Measure!

Opening my Facebook page is (sadly) a daily occurrence for me, I often check my newsfeed, I check notifications, if there is an inbox message I check that also. I have never checked my 'others' inbox, in fact, I don't even think I had ever heard of it until scrolling through my news feed and I saw someone else talking about it, this particular folder had even managed to cause a little bit of controversy! So, curiosity caught the better of me and I decided to have a look, right there at the top of the screen a familiar name jumped out at me!!! It wasn't a familiar name as in someone I have seen recently, or keep in contact with regularly, but familiar from 20 years ago, familiar as in I have wondered how she and her family have been doing all these years, familiar as in my childhood best friend from 20 years ago. I suddenly remembered the moment we had to wave goodbye as she and her family set off to start a new life in New Zealand, it brought back the same feelings I had the last time I had seen her, I just wanted to cry ... No, more like sob, uncontrollably! Oh, what am I thinking! This is happy, so happy I still wanted to cry! So many memories flooded my mind, and by the next morning we had officially taken a step back into each others lives! It's almost as if we had never left!

We got talking, and haven't stopped!!! We both moved to Rockhampton around the same time as each other, we are positive we have brushed shoulders with each other a number of times. We are pretty sure I took her sons Santa photos! We have photos of mothers days and fathers days where we are eating breakfast at the same restaurants! We even lived in Gracemere at the same times! How did we not recognise each other? How did we not click? Either way, I am still astounded by these unveilings! I have been back in contact with friends from my past through Facebook a number of times before, that's what Facebook is all about after all, but this time I am left speechless!

Meeting her again in a couple of weeks, such an exciting time, I wonder if I will cry again ... What a sook! Lol

Needing sleep makes me a little silly 

Wanting to sleep ... But I have had a tooth ache all day, I'm good for now, but it hurts again as soon as I roll onto either of my sides, and I can't get comfortable on my back  ... Super frustrating! I'm guessing I will just pass out from tiredness soon ... Or at least I hope I will, need sleep, it's the weekend tomorrow, the kids will be crazy if we don't leave the house ...  ... Possibly just scared my body into sleep ... Is that possible  ... Yes, I'm clearly delusional from a couple of pain killers  (just kidding, delusional, but not from an overdose or anything )

One sheep, two sheep, three ......... 

P!NK

Considering going to the Pink concert by myself  ... Actually, if I have the winning bid on eBay, I WILL be going to Pink by myself, because it's only one ticket, haha ... Kinda really excited anyway, by myself or not, it's Pink, and i have decided it's MY turn to do something exciting, just for me ...  My fingers are crossed ever so tightly, slightly scared, but terribly excited just at the thought 

Baptism for Three in ONE Weekend!!!

The whole purpose of our trip back home was to baptise our nephew, or more excitingly, our Godson!!! We also decided to throw in an extra day of church and finally get our girls baptised! So much love, honor and joy surrounded me the whole weekend. Becoming a Godparent means the world to me, it's a role I plan on never taking for granted, I want to make the most of it, as an Aunty, and also a Godmother.

As a mother myself, I understand the thought process when choosing Godparents, over the years friends have come and gone, while some friendships have grown stronger, others have weakened, dramatically ... Our family however have always stayed the same, we are the best of friends, our children mean as much to us as our own, all round! I have never doubted them when it has come to my children's well being ... This is why we chose our family to be our daughters Godparents! A choice made 7 years ago, and we still have the same strong feelings towards this decision, our children are blessed to have these people in their lives, as we are also blessed to have them in our lives, to be Godparents and have our niece and nephew (aka our Godson ) in our lives. Such a special feeling surrounding me at the moment!